Awww, that was sweetness. It did lots of good story telling things--a little exposition, an introduction of the dilemma, an unexpected visitor at the door, and a kiss!
At one point you switched from Ishida's POV to Orihime's and that seemed awkward--better to keep it all his since you started out that way. I was confused about the Tanabata fair---was it July already? But then you said it was Tanabata-LIKE and so something unexplained was going on. I kind of like that Ishida is clueless about these things.
I don't know if the kids would blurt out "I love you" so quick--Ishida because he's restrained and Orihime because she's totally into Kurosaki and it would be an abrupt thing, but who knows. They're so young.
This is NOT horrible. ^___^ In fact, it's pretty good for a first fic, and I hope you'll write more. The fandom needs more IshiHime sweetness!!!
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Awww, that was sweetness. It did lots of good story telling things--a little exposition, an introduction of the dilemma, an unexpected visitor at the door, and a kiss!
At one point you switched from Ishida's POV to Orihime's and that seemed awkward--better to keep it all his since you started out that way. I was confused about the Tanabata fair---was it July already? But then you said it was Tanabata-LIKE and so something unexplained was going on. I kind of like that Ishida is clueless about these things.
I don't know if the kids would blurt out "I love you" so quick--Ishida because he's restrained and Orihime because she's totally into Kurosaki and it would be an abrupt thing, but who knows. They're so young.
This is NOT horrible. ^___^ In fact, it's pretty good for a first fic, and I hope you'll write more. The fandom needs more IshiHime sweetness!!!